I'm sitting here. Things are finally turning around for me. I've got a lot of things done. Of course, I expected more things to be in place and to be more stable but I'm happy and content with where I am. I forgot about blogger and how useful it could be to express myself. I feel like I'm becoming the exact person that I want to be. I feel like a brand new person. Liberated and continuing, smarter than I was before as well becoming over all well rounded. There's a lot of things that have happened in the past year or so that I haven't been on this. So many changes have came my way.. For one and one of the biggest things is that I don't live with my dad anymore. I'm starting to miss him but since he's went away, I've been a lot happier and things have been coming together so well. Sometimes I feel as if he's always had it way harder than me and I feel bad sometimes because I love him and I know the fucked up shit that he's been through. I wish that he could see it from my eyes sometimes and actually take the time to listen to me, but I guess that's not gonna happen any time soon. All I can do is wish that one day when I'm grown up and steady that he will see that I love him and that I'm willing to help him and welcome him into my life. I don't even tell him I love him because I can't and he can't tell me.. The last time he said I love you was when I was in grade 6 and he was drunk. Oh well.. I guess time does heal all things and he seems better now that he's probably sobered up. I wish we could come to a mutual understand of each other and how we perceive life. He's a very intellectual man and I couldn't ask for anyone else as a father despite the crazy things he's put me through. Corruption in our family is normal but some how we find a way to better ourselves and learn from this dark contrast of events, spiteful words and arguments. Every single person in my family is so strong and I've grown to become just as strong going through the things that I've been through and now I can feel everything coming together and my mind and body are ready for anything that come my way. I'm know the future isn't to be feared and I've been through enough to say I'm ready for whatever will be thrown at me next. I'm happy and I will keep that mind state despite my failures, etc.. At least I'm trying. So with that, I will continue to liberate, educate, and better myself every single day of my life. I will turn my life around, and my mothers and hopefully soon, my father.. because he needs love in his heart too. We were all given pain to balance out happiness and really appreciate it so I hope he can embrace the other side and learn to love life.